Fear and loathing in Mississippi…

Yesterday ended week one of Jillian Michaels’ 30 Day Shred challenge. I lost one pound, but most importantly I lost my fear of doing hard-core exercises. Let me explain.

Like a lot of individuals, I do the same exercise nearly everyday. Good for the heart, but not for weight loss (at least, not in my case). My three-mile daily walk wasn’t moving the scale or changing my measurements.

The 30 Day Shred incorporates endurance, strength, balance, and flexibility. It only took one workout for me to realize doing only cardio was not enough. Last week I could barely touch my toes, complete 20 seconds of jumping jacks, or do five pushups with perfect form. Day one meant dusting off a pair of three-pound weights and struggling to complete a minute of static lunges with a bicep curls.

On Day 7, I could do a minute of jumping jacks and jump rope, and I traded the three-pound bells for five pounders.

In three days I advance to Level 2 of the challenge and I’m ready ‘cause Level 1 is getting easy. Whoa, did I just write that? Yep, I did. Sure, the next level will be tough, but I’m not afraid. Are you?

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Here kitty kitty…

When I opened my door last night, Cat sprinted in, sniffed around, and then sat down. I cooed “here kitty kitty” until I was blue and she wouldn’t move. I had to resort to leading her out with a piece of chicken that she quickly gobbled down. She sat on my porch for nearly two hours meowing for more.

It’s 2 p.m. and I’m trying to sneak out of my house for a daily walk. The problem? Cat is waiting to run inside. She’s really fast for such a fat feline. Yes, go ahead and laugh ‘cause the situation is truly funny.

I want to go for a walk, not a run. I definitely don’t want to chase a cat. Plus, I don’t run fast, not as fast as Cat. But guess what? I can do 20 pushups. No, not 20 in a row, and yes, it’s the girly pushups, but yeah me! It’s day four of Jillian Michaels’ “30 Day Shred,” and I can also do 20 jumping jacks and two sets of leg squats while holding three-pound dumbbells. Like I said, yeah me!

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I plan to stick with Michaels’ workout for 30 days. Maybe then I can outrun Cat. Geez.

I’m not your buddy or your friend…

It seems I’ve adopted a cat named “Cat.” I’m pretty sure Cat belongs to someone in my little cul-de-sac. She has a nametag and she’s fat. Cat has only gotten fatter this winter because I’m feeding her too. Don’t judge me, I hate to eat alone.

In an effort to fight fat and winter malaise, I purchased Jillian Michaels’ “30 Day Shred.” Yesterday was Day 1.

I hate Jillian and not because she has an AH-mazing figure. No, I also hate her for yelling, “pick up the pace,” and for calling me “buddy,” for well, picking up the pace. Actually, it’s “buuuuddy.” I want to kick box her in the face.

Today is Day 2. It’s a repeat of yesterday, but maybe I can get through the entire workout without stopping to catch my breath every 30 seconds. Geez, Jillian, what’s with the freakin’ jumping jacks? I haven’t done those since I was 10.

I think she’s trying to kill me. In fact, I’m sure of it, but I’ll let you know on 30 days because that’s how long I have to suffer through this exercise regime. But no worries, I have a will that leaves my house and my food to Cat.

The Year of Me!

Phew, 2013 is behind me. It was a year peppered with more highs than lows, yet, I seem to remember the lows more visually and more painfully. Are those memories accurate? Probably not, but last year’s lows are pushing me to make 2014 better. Those lows are why I’m dedicated to becoming the person I want to be. It’s a scary journey, but I’m determined to make 2014 the Year of Me.

“The Year of Me.” It has a nice ring, don’t you think? A year dedicated to me should be easy. It’s not. It’s day two, and I’ve failed me already. That 7 a.m. elliptical workout did not happen. No worries. Instead of berating myself over past mistakes, I’m moving forward. That’s why the 7 a.m. cardio became 3 p.m. yoga. Better than nothing at all, plus I feel great.

The Year of Me is not just about my health. It’s about discovering who I am and whose I am. It’s a professional and spiritual journey. Today, I plotted and outlined my second novel. This novel won’t yellow away in a drawer. This is “The Year of Me.” Why don’t you consider making 2014 the year of YOU too?

Everybody get up…

If you haven’t tried kickboxing, you should. I did and it kicked my butt. My quads and inner thighs are a bit sore and my biceps burn when I lift up my arms. I mentioned this to my younger brother who said, “Just stop lifting your arms.” Well, that was…unhelpful.

I knew I was in trouble when the 20-something-year-old former cheerleader (sorry, I meant instructor) skipped and hopped her way into the dance studio. I groaned, but managed to kick, hop, and uppercut my way through the 30-minute workout.

The music was full-blast. I moved my body and bobbed my head the entire time. Don’t judge me: “Blurred Lines” is a catchy, if somewhat rape-y sounding song.

It was a great workout. I flailed around the studio like Elaine Benes or T.I., but I’ll definitely try this class again.

Kickboxing is not the only new exercise I’ve tried this summer and it’s certainly not the only one where I’ve looked silly.

So far I’ve embarrassed myself in rock hard abs fitness, Zumba and Piloxing. On top of that, I’ve om(-ed) unbecomingly and loudly during Pilates and yoga classes.

What’s next? Maybe I’ll help Robin Thicke figure out what rhymes with hug me.  

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