Here kitty kitty…

When I opened my door last night, Cat sprinted in, sniffed around, and then sat down. I cooed “here kitty kitty” until I was blue and she wouldn’t move. I had to resort to leading her out with a piece of chicken that she quickly gobbled down. She sat on my porch for nearly two hours meowing for more.

It’s 2 p.m. and I’m trying to sneak out of my house for a daily walk. The problem? Cat is waiting to run inside. She’s really fast for such a fat feline. Yes, go ahead and laugh ‘cause the situation is truly funny.

I want to go for a walk, not a run. I definitely don’t want to chase a cat. Plus, I don’t run fast, not as fast as Cat. But guess what? I can do 20 pushups. No, not 20 in a row, and yes, it’s the girly pushups, but yeah me! It’s day four of Jillian Michaels’ “30 Day Shred,” and I can also do 20 jumping jacks and two sets of leg squats while holding three-pound dumbbells. Like I said, yeah me!

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I plan to stick with Michaels’ workout for 30 days. Maybe then I can outrun Cat. Geez.

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I’m not your buddy or your friend…

It seems I’ve adopted a cat named “Cat.” I’m pretty sure Cat belongs to someone in my little cul-de-sac. She has a nametag and she’s fat. Cat has only gotten fatter this winter because I’m feeding her too. Don’t judge me, I hate to eat alone.

In an effort to fight fat and winter malaise, I purchased Jillian Michaels’ “30 Day Shred.” Yesterday was Day 1.

I hate Jillian and not because she has an AH-mazing figure. No, I also hate her for yelling, “pick up the pace,” and for calling me “buddy,” for well, picking up the pace. Actually, it’s “buuuuddy.” I want to kick box her in the face.

Today is Day 2. It’s a repeat of yesterday, but maybe I can get through the entire workout without stopping to catch my breath every 30 seconds. Geez, Jillian, what’s with the freakin’ jumping jacks? I haven’t done those since I was 10.

I think she’s trying to kill me. In fact, I’m sure of it, but I’ll let you know on 30 days because that’s how long I have to suffer through this exercise regime. But no worries, I have a will that leaves my house and my food to Cat.

The friend of my enemy is still my enemy…

It’s 2014 and I’m turning 35 years old (uh, make that 40). It’s my lie and I’m sticking to it. Anyhoo, one thing I know for sure is that friendships shouldn’t be painful at 42 years old (43?). Hmmm, I think it’s time to call my mom ‘cause I’m iffy about my age.

Another thing I know for sure is that it’s time to rethink a friendship. Yeah, I know that’s easier said than done, even when you’re in your 40s, but that’s why it’s so important.

A quick Google led me to my favorite new word, “frenemy.” Frienemy or frenemy is a portmanteau of friend and enemy. While the term has come into vogue lately, Wiki notes the word appeared in print in 1953. One thing is true; frenemy is still hard to define.

Some sites claim frenemy is someone with whom you enjoy spending time, but don’t completely trust.  Wiki defines the term as someone who “pretends to be a friend but actually is an enemy.”

I don’t know about you, but I’d prefer my enemy to just be a wolf. I’m serious. It would save me from buying Tylenol and keep you from buying sheep clothing.

Ol’ school savvy or tech stagnant…

Jelly is getting a lot of notice. How could it not with celebrities including Al Gore and Bono backing the app?

The concept is simple. Take a picture of say Ole Miss’ basketball arena, then ask a question such as, “Who’s the best SEC team right now?” Click “send” and get answers.

Will I buy this app? No, but I’m definitely what you’d call, “Ol’ school savvy.” I keep my writing assignments and family birthdays in a Filofax. I jot my doctors’ appointments on a wall calendar and not in iCal (sorry Peter). If I want to know who’s the best in the SEC this week, I call, well, Peter.

I know I’m not the only high tech stagnant person out there. Today my sister was flipping through a dictionary when her co-worker said; “There’s an app for that.” Danielle replied, “I guess I just like looking words up the old fashioned way.”

I’m that same way, sorta. I use my Mac’s built-in thesaurus daily, but recently purchased the latest American Heritage Dictionary. I prefer a hardcopy, but I download (upload?) books to my Kindle too.

So, am I tech resistant or ol’ school stuck? I think I’ll tweet this question.

Yahoo Tech.

If it sounds to good to be true…

The call came at 7:55 a.m. I answered without looking at caller ID. That was the first mistake. Michael Washington from American Sweepstakes said I won $65 million. Hell yeah, Thursday morning looking awesome!

The second mistake was not hanging up, and the third was entertaining the scam artist who claimed my money arrive in an hour. The catch, yes, there was a catch; I needed to purchase a check card for $1050. Wait, what?

At this point, I’m not longer entertained, plus my coffee was cooling, so I hang up. This should be over right? No, it’s not. Washington called back 15 to 20 more times. He cursed me when I finally yelled, “Just send my freakin’ $65 Mil!”

Again, this should be over? Again, it’s not. Washington called today at 7:55 a.m. His accent was the giveaway, although he gave a different name. I yelled at him and he cursed at me. Is he angry I refuse to be scammed? I put the phone on silent. When I checked the phone log several hours later, it showed Washington had called me every five to 10 minutes until 10:51 a.m. What the French toast? Definitely time to go to the police.

All the news that fits…

Wow. I wrote more than a thousand words towards my novel. I’m excited and nervous and scared. Simply, I’m a mess. I know that’s not news, especially to those who know me well.

Hey, did you know Robin Roberts is gay? Is that news?

Yes, Roberts is a highly recognized newscaster on ABC’s Good Morning America. And yes, Roberts fought and won her battle with breast cancer and later with myelodysplastic syndrome. Roberts’ public and publicized health issues brought much-needed attention to both diseases, and that’s definitely news. In fact, Roberts’ resolve to share her private battles with America is why I started watching GMA again.

In December, Roberts shared another private moment when she Facebooked (yes, I just made Facebook a verb), “…I am grateful for my entire family, my long time girlfriend, Amber, and friends as we prepare to celebrate a glorious new year together.”

It’s been nearly two weeks and the media still treats Roberts’ coming out as news.

Trust me, Roberts being gay is not news. The fact that Roberts has been in a loving relationship for 10 years is newsworthy especially when stats show the average American marriage lasts eight years.  Now, that’s news.

Selfies!? I feel so dirty…

I read Yahoo’s “Trending Now” daily. I ask myself “Is he/she dead?” before clicking a name. Not kidding.

Rebecca claims celebrities pay to be on the trending list. I disagree.

Today, I clicked Kim Kardashian’s name. She’s No. 1 on the trending list.

No, she’s not dead and no, she hasn’t done anything to deserve trending (score one for Rebecca). Wait, I take that back. Her butt made the list and that’s deserving, right? You see someone claims Kim has been photoshopping (butt-shopping?) her selfies. Yes, I just used the word selfies, I feel so dirty.

While Butt-Gate 2014 will trend for the rest of the week, I wonder if Yahoo heard that some UNC Chapel Hill athletes could read only up to the fifth grade? This didn’t make the trending list at all. Again, not kidding. A Chapel Hill learning specialist even recalled tutoring a student-athlete who couldn’t read multisyllabic words.

CNN’s own investigation of student-athletes at public universities across the nation showed many could read only up to the eighth grade. While CNN notes their survey is not exhaustive, this result is staggering and still not trending. Hmmm?

By the way, there’s a Velveeta shortage. It’s No. 3 on the trending list.

CNN: Some college athletes play like adults, read like 5th-graders – CNN.com.

Rest in peace Dexter…

I tried to write this goodbye yesterday, but couldn’t. It’s nearly impossible to say rest in peace to a childhood friend who was only 44.

I’m not sad; no, I lie. It’s a lie I’ve been telling myself for days. I am sad—sad I’ll no longer see Dexter when I drive to Itta Bena. Sad it will take me years to remember—to admit—that he is gone.

I’m not sad for Dexter, I’m sad for me. You see, anyone who knew Dexter would know that sadness was not in his vocabulary. He was not a noun type of guy.

Dexter was full of life, so I guess that means he was a verb or maybe an adjective. Yes, adjective seems to fit.

He was lively and definitely always full of movement.

He was also spontaneous. Planning is for suckers and Dexter was no sucker. He enjoyed the moments.

When we were younger I wanted to be more like him. I tried and tried, but sadly, I’m a planner. Lately I’ve been trying to add more spontaneity to my day. I’m really trying ‘cause Dexter would want that for me. Sigh. Rest in peace my friend.

If you fail to plan, you are planning to fail!

One of the biggest issues for me in 2013 was my inability to stick to a schedule. This year will be different, especially with my trusty pink Filofax planner by my side. Check out today’s schedule:

January 3, 2014

7:00 a.m.        elliptical workout

7:30 a.m.        breakfast

8:00 a.m.        write blog

8:30 a.m.        complete novel outline

 A bit much, huh? I figured as much, so I Goggled, “How to stick to a schedule.”

Hmmm? One site implied that over-planners, like me, tend to be too optimistic to the point of being unrealistic. That explains the schedule above.

Another site recommended building in margins, planning breaks and planning for interruptions.

Planning for interruptions? Huh? I definitely need practical advice, and decide to call my sister, a mother and teacher.

Danielle bragged she simply knew how to stay on track. Really? Just as I’m about to hang up on her or throw my cell across the room, she said, “I also plan by the hour and I don’t beat myself up for not getting to everything on my list.”

Awesome sauce! This advice is much better than her suggestion that every woman should have a thug lover. Yeahhhh, that’s definitely a discussion for another day.

The Year of Me!

Phew, 2013 is behind me. It was a year peppered with more highs than lows, yet, I seem to remember the lows more visually and more painfully. Are those memories accurate? Probably not, but last year’s lows are pushing me to make 2014 better. Those lows are why I’m dedicated to becoming the person I want to be. It’s a scary journey, but I’m determined to make 2014 the Year of Me.

“The Year of Me.” It has a nice ring, don’t you think? A year dedicated to me should be easy. It’s not. It’s day two, and I’ve failed me already. That 7 a.m. elliptical workout did not happen. No worries. Instead of berating myself over past mistakes, I’m moving forward. That’s why the 7 a.m. cardio became 3 p.m. yoga. Better than nothing at all, plus I feel great.

The Year of Me is not just about my health. It’s about discovering who I am and whose I am. It’s a professional and spiritual journey. Today, I plotted and outlined my second novel. This novel won’t yellow away in a drawer. This is “The Year of Me.” Why don’t you consider making 2014 the year of YOU too?

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